Why Am I Always Helping Others Without Reciprocation?

Why Am I Always Helping Others Without Reciprocation

Have you ever felt helpless or hopeless? Have you ever wondered why you seem to attract bad luck? Or maybe you’ve even experienced some kind of misfortune?

We live in a society where everyone seems to be struggling with something. Whether it’s a financial problem, relationship issues, health problems, or even personal struggles, we often feel alone and isolated.

It’s important to realize that no matter how much we try to help others, they don’t necessarily appreciate our kindness. In fact, sometimes they take advantage of us.

This is because we tend to give out too much of ourselves without expecting anything back.

The thing about giving is that it doesn’t cost us anything. We can give freely all day long, but if there are no takers, then what’s the point?

When we’re young, we think we’ll get more out of life by giving than receiving. But as we grow older, we learn that it’s not really about getting at all. It’s about being able to share our lives with other people.

When we become parents, we start thinking about how we want to raise our children. Children need love and affection just like adults do. They also need discipline and guidance.

But most importantly, they need their parents’ time. Parents have so many things going on in their lives that they forget to spend quality time with their kids.

If we want to make sure our children turn out well, we should never underestimate the power of spending quality time together. The best way for us to show them how much we care is by simply being present in their lives.

Due to the lack of support that many of us experience in childhood, we can overcompensate by fixing the problems with others and mistaking their gratitude for reciprocal support.

This can become burdensome after a period of time and as our childhood trauma unravels and unwinds as life plays out, we may reach a point of despair when realizing that we are not supported in the same way that we support others.

More often than not, this leads to increased isolation and an unwillingness to ask for help for ourselves as we believe that others should reach out to support us in the same way that we support others.

However, people aren’t able to psychically tell when you are in trouble, and you should therefore make an effort to reach out to people in order to receive the support that you desire.

Why Am I Always Helping Others Without Reciprocation?

How To Properly Ask For Help

Before we ask someone for help, we must first know whether they will accept it or not. If they say yes, then we can proceed to tell them what we need.

Remember that asking for help isn’t easy. You might find yourself feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed. That’s okay! Just remember that your feelings aren’t a reflection of the person who needs help.

Your discomfort is only temporary.

Asking for help is a sign of strength and courage. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Here are some tips on how to properly ask for help:

    1. Be honest. Tell the person exactly what you need.
    2. Be specific. Make sure you explain everything clearly.
    3. Be prepared. Know what you want before you approach the person.
    4. Be patient. Wait until the right moment comes along.
    5. Be grateful. Thank the person for his or her willingness to help.
    6. Be humble. Show appreciation for the person’s help.
    7. Be persistent. Try again later if necessary.
    8. Be realistic. Think about your situation and be open-minded.
    9. Be polite. Treat everyone with respect.
    10. Be flexible. Accept change.

Why Do I Get Nothing In Return When Helping Others?

Why Am I Always Helping Others Without Reciprocation?

When we’re young, we tend to think that we’ll get more out from life by giving than receiving because we don’t understand that there’s no such thing as reciprocity.

We feel entitled to something back for doing good deeds.

We feel that we deserve something in return for helping others. It doesn’t matter how big or small the deed is, we expect to receive something back for our efforts.

It is this expectation that causes us to feel frustrated when nothing happens.

The problem with expecting something in return is that we end up getting upset when people fail to give us what we want.

For example, if we go through all the trouble of saving money so that we can buy a gift for someone else, but he or she fails to appreciate it, we feel disappointed and angry.

If we do something nice for someone, but they fail to show any appreciation, we feel hurt and sad. If we try to help someone, but they refuse to acknowledge our kindness, we feel rejected and unloved.

So why do we keep trying to help others when we never seem to get anything in return? Because we have been conditioned to believe that we deserve something in exchange for our acts of generosity.

We’ve been taught that we’re special and that we deserve better treatment than other people. We’ve been brainwashed into believing that we’re owed something in return for being kind.

In reality, we shouldn’t expect anything in return for our actions. We should just focus on our own happiness and well-being.

Instead of thinking that we must get something in return for our kindness, we realize that we can choose to live happily without having to worry about whether we’ll get something in return.

When we learn to let go of this expectation and to trust that everything will work itself out in its own time, we inherently learn to relax and to let go of our attachment to outcomes.


To conclude, if you are prone to helping others and not receiving the same level of support then you should take some time to reflect upon why you are helping others.

Ultimately, only we can be the beacons of our own happiness and thus, reducing our expectations of others whilst still finding the courage to ask for help when we need it is the best way to balance out this scenario.

About our Author Michelle Landeros, LMFT license# 115130
Author: Michelle Landeros, LMFT

Michelle Landeros is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist (LMFT). She is passionate about helping individuals, couples and families thrive.

Last updated: April 12, 2024