How To Stop Being Judgemental
Ever catch yourself sizing up others? It’s pretty common, and sometimes judgment can be useful. It helps us make smart choices and dodge sketchy situations.
Being critical can spark creativity, boost insight, and lead to innovative solutions – for our own problems or when helping others.
But there’s a line. When judgment turns mean, hurtful, or unnecessary, it’s time to pump the brakes.
This often happens when we fixate on people’s flaws or when our thoughts, words, or actions put others down, mock their ideas, or trash their beliefs.
If you feel like you’re judging more than you’d like, don’t sweat it. We’ve got some expert tips to help you dial it back and cultivate a more positive, open-minded outlook. Ready to make a change? Let’s dive in!
What’s Behind Our Judgmental Nature?
Judgment often pops up as a defense mechanism. It’s our brain’s sneaky way of protecting our ego from anxiety or conflict.
Our ego tries to keep us feeling separate from others as a survival tactic. This shows up in different ways:
- Pointing out others’ flaws to avoid facing our own
- Thinking we’re shielding ourselves from getting hurt
- Trying to boost our self-worth by feeling superior
We usually don’t realize we’re doing this. But spotting these behaviors is key to becoming better versions of ourselves.
Here’s how to become a kinder, less judgmental person:
Step Into Their Shoes
It’s tough to relate to someone we’re judging. We can’t always grasp what’s driving their behavior.
But that doesn’t give us a free pass to judge. Instead, think back to a time when someone found you annoying or weird. Remember how that felt?
Maybe you were having a rough week or in the middle of a heated argument.
**Realize this: You don’t know what’s going on in someone else’s life**, just like others didn’t know your situation.
This insight helps you give others the benefit of the doubt and practice empathy.
For more on cultivating empathy and calm, check out What Crystals Can Help with Anxiety?
Find the Silver Lining
When you catch yourself making a negative judgment, flip it on its head. Look for the positive instead.
Spot someone in a bold outfit? Instead of scoffing, admire their confidence to rock their unique style.
Hear someone laughing loudly at a restaurant? Rather than rolling your eyes, appreciate their ability to let loose and have fun.
**Focusing on the positives helps you stay present and enjoy what’s happening around you.**
Reframe Your Thoughts
Can’t find a positive spin? Time to rewrite those thoughts! Get curious instead of critical.
If a coworker’s work quality drops, don’t jump to criticize. Wonder why there’s a change. Maybe they’re dealing with personal issues.
Maybe there’s a problem at home or a personal issue getting in the way.
A more compassionate approach brings you closer to understanding others.
Cut Back on Gossip
Let’s face it: we all love a bit of gossip. Admitting this is the first step to becoming less judgmental.
You don’t have to quit cold turkey, but notice when chat turns judgmental. Steer it back to more positive ground.
Bring up another perspective or mention the person’s good qualities.
To understand why we gossip, check out Why Do I Feel Like a Burden? It might shed light on how self-perception affects our interactions.
Broaden Your Horizons
This is a long-term goal, but it’s worth it. Meeting new people from different backgrounds challenges your perspective.
You’ll gain a better understanding of others’ challenges, helping you stay open-minded.
Try a new hobby, explore a new area, or join a course. The possibilities are endless!
Track Your Judgmental Moments
Next time you catch yourself judging, jot it down. Note your thoughts, location, and company.
You might spot patterns, like being more judgmental with certain friends or when you’re feeling insecure.
**Recognizing these triggers is key to moving away from them.**
Think About Your Image
It might seem odd to focus on others’ perceptions when trying to judge less. But it can be a great motivator!
If you judge others, people will remember that. They might be less likely to befriend you or open up.
Aim to be more compassionate. You’ll be more likable and form genuine friendships.
Remember: You’re Not Above Judgment
While you might find some habits or styles strange, others might think the same about you!
People will always make unfair assumptions. But that shouldn’t stop you from being yourself.
If you can understand this for yourself, extend that consideration to others.
Be Kind to Yourself
Sometimes, the hardest person to be kind to is yourself. If you’re harsh on yourself, it’s easier to be harsh on others.
Judging others can stem from our own insecurities. When we’re kinder to ourselves, it’s easier to extend that kindness to others.
**Plus, being positive towards others often makes you feel better than being negative!**
Wrapping It Up
We all judge sometimes. Recognizing that is the first step to change.
Practice kindness to yourself and others. Be empathetic, reframe your thoughts positively, and track your judgmental moments.
Remember, you won’t always succeed in this journey. That’s okay. You’re not a bad person. Forgive yourself and keep trying.
**You’ve got this. Here’s to a more understanding, compassionate you!**
Author: Michelle Landeros, LMFT
Michelle Landeros is a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist (LMFT). She is passionate about helping individuals, couples and families thrive.